-freedom c...

-freedom calls my name from the depths of my self driven downward spiral, i walk these fine lines between sanity and forget that i could be happy. i gently try to walk away, but am guilted into one last dance. the tears slip down, but my decicsion will not fall, it is time to be strong says the junkie, it is time to overcome.

okay, well...

okay, well here i am, i wnat to write a long ass entry becausei am feeling alot of things rihgt now and i need ot get htem out...but as usual, james is comming over and yeah i cant type. fuck this.this bouncing boy is now turning baby blue.loveboo

oh poop

its like 6:45 or somehting in the morning, i am goin gout to breakfast with my aunt, and i was going to sit downa nd write a nice long entry. but ironicly, my house got dumped last night. so i have to so be a nice human/sister and help pete clean it up.

bloop le bloop

well okay today was alright. i saw james drinving away from guerin today and i feel bad, but i thought he said he wasnt gonna pick me up and yeah i feel bad. oh well. today is the HONK! dinner party, and i hop eit is fun. i hope there is not much blatent fliring to make me sck to my stomach, becuas ei am sick of seeing people ALL OVER each other, espicially those who have boyfriends. i would enjoy the spaghetti that will soon be in my stomach to stay there. yeah whatever! but yeah. eh.

wow this is the 3rd, yes 3rd entry of hte night. i am catching up micheal. you better watch out.

okay this is Lauren(Queen) Elizabeth (the 3rd) Archambault publicly stating that she loves her best best friend in the biggest most scariest world ever, Katie (the) Louise Wiese and i will miss her beyond belief. you are my reason kate. i mean that with all the little breaths of my little pink heart. and yes assholes, my heart breathes. thats how cool it is. damn straight.

i know it...

i know it's dark here, you know that i'm scared toofor some reason right now, of everything but youright now you're all that i recognizeyou know i came here when i needed your soft voicei needed to hear something that sounded like an answernow i wait here and sometimes i get oneit's nothing i'll forget when the moon gets tiredyou are stuck to me everydaybelieve in what i am because it's all i have todayand tomorrow who knows where we'll befrom here i can hardly see a thing but i will follow anyone who brings me to youfor now, forever, for on and on and onyou know it starts here, outside waiting in the coldkiss me once in the snow i swear it never gets oldbut i will promise you i can make it warmer next yearyou know i came here when i needed your soft voicei needed to hear something that sounded like an answernow i stay here, and everyday i get oneit's nothing i'll forget when the moon gets tiredyou are stuck to me everydaybelieve in what i am because it's all i have todayand tomorrow who knows where we'll befrom here i can hardly see a thing but i will follow anyone who brings me to youfor now, forever, for on and on and onso go plug in your electric blanketwe can stay in 'til our southern summer wedding daygo plug in your electric blanket, we can stay herestar i am sorry for all i have even done. please forgive...-banana boat/girl

well i just feel like typing

well here we are. my second journal entry, go me! i have to catch up wiht michels entries...hes beating me. damn you!! well yeah so anyway, i dont even know whats going on in my life anymore, i guess that is a good way to start. well i guess i kinda do, but i realy dont. i dont know hwat i want to do, bt i do in a way. well let me try to explain, i know where i want to and where i am going to go to college and what i want to study, for the most part, but i have no fucking clue. i want to leave so bad. so fucking bad. but i dont. see, i am a mixed up little shit that has no clue what is going on. but i know exactly what i wnat to do any why. but i dont want to leave here, cause of all of the people, btu i wnat to experience things, i want to meet new people, see new people, hate new people. i want to be a dumbass for a while, and yeah then realize that i was an asshole. god, i am sick of being her, but i love it. i love fighting with everyone and being a bitch, and i love teching and love that people like me here. well so i think, but i like that i at least think that people like me here. i dont even care if they do or not, becuasei can have my own stuff going on too. btu if i go away and nothing is right? what happens? i dont really like meeting new people. and people always seem so fake when you meet them. i knwo i am even liek that, but i hate it and it sucks. but yeah i dont want to meet people who are just too cool for me and yeah all that bullshit. and yeah i dont have any idea what i exactly want from life anymore. i am starting to relaly honestly think i should never get married. i dont thinki could do justice to anyone/anything. i just want my little ones and to be in england for a while with them and not have some dumbass guy int eh way. becuase i am fucking crazy and people dont see that. i am fucking crazy. i dont know. i have like royally screwed myself by everythign i guess, i am such a dumbass about that shit. but then i want to be married and be all happy and have a green and blue house, but that wont happen, it is so perfect and idealistic and i think that is one of my downfalls , i think things could be rihgt. they coudl be but i dont see that i am ruining things in the long run. and not just for myslef. for others too, then you everyone gets ot listen to me complain and all that dandy stuff. whatever. theatre is giong cool its fun. i like it, but i am starting to get burned out. eh its okay. i got my prom dress this weekend, its real pretty, i like it. i think prom is going to be wierd. who will bring who? will it be odd? i say that i dont know. i dont feel like talking about that now tho. so yeah. i baked cookies yesterday, they were good. so eyah. okay i think i am done. yeah. i am.