well i just feel like typing

well here we are. my second journal entry, go me! i have to catch up wiht michels entries...hes beating me. damn you!! well yeah so anyway, i dont even know whats going on in my life anymore, i guess that is a good way to start. well i guess i kinda do, but i realy dont. i dont know hwat i want to do, bt i do in a way. well let me try to explain, i know where i want to and where i am going to go to college and what i want to study, for the most part, but i have no fucking clue. i want to leave so bad. so fucking bad. but i dont. see, i am a mixed up little shit that has no clue what is going on. but i know exactly what i wnat to do any why. but i dont want to leave here, cause of all of the people, btu i wnat to experience things, i want to meet new people, see new people, hate new people. i want to be a dumbass for a while, and yeah then realize that i was an asshole. god, i am sick of being her, but i love it. i love fighting with everyone and being a bitch, and i love teching and love that people like me here. well so i think, but i like that i at least think that people like me here. i dont even care if they do or not, becuasei can have my own stuff going on too. btu if i go away and nothing is right? what happens? i dont really like meeting new people. and people always seem so fake when you meet them. i knwo i am even liek that, but i hate it and it sucks. but yeah i dont want to meet people who are just too cool for me and yeah all that bullshit. and yeah i dont have any idea what i exactly want from life anymore. i am starting to relaly honestly think i should never get married. i dont thinki could do justice to anyone/anything. i just want my little ones and to be in england for a while with them and not have some dumbass guy int eh way. becuase i am fucking crazy and people dont see that. i am fucking crazy. i dont know. i have like royally screwed myself by everythign i guess, i am such a dumbass about that shit. but then i want to be married and be all happy and have a green and blue house, but that wont happen, it is so perfect and idealistic and i think that is one of my downfalls , i think things could be rihgt. they coudl be but i dont see that i am ruining things in the long run. and not just for myslef. for others too, then you everyone gets ot listen to me complain and all that dandy stuff. whatever. theatre is giong cool its fun. i like it, but i am starting to get burned out. eh its okay. i got my prom dress this weekend, its real pretty, i like it. i think prom is going to be wierd. who will bring who? will it be odd? i say that i dont know. i dont feel like talking about that now tho. so yeah. i baked cookies yesterday, they were good. so eyah. okay i think i am done. yeah. i am.